Occidental accidents in the Orient

February, 2007

I hope this email finds you all well. It's been a couple of months since my last little update. Everything is going pretty smooth. Provided my computer doesn't crap out, i'll be watching a choppy feed of the Super Bowl with friends on Monday morning around 8A. Huzzah! Or in the words of the immortal John Madden 'FOOTBALL!' My Scottish buddy Scot will joining us; fortunately i won't have to have the whole 'Football vs. football' conversation, as his dad is a huge Bears fan.

It's been an interesting week; the gods of Japan seem to be trying to foil my enjoyment of karaoke. Basic Plaza (one of the sing-sing joints i go to) has had two, count 'em, two fires nearby in the last five days. My manager had to move her car today because the blaze was adjacent to her parking lot...only 50 yards or so from GEOS.

Meanwhile, at GEOS it was 'Gaijin Gut' day. Two of the lower level students (in their twenties) inexplicably became fascinated with my diminishing (or so i hope) pouch. They started chatting in Japanese, stared, pointed then prodded my doughy center. Sharks, when turned on their backs become completely immobile, in the much the same way, i was frozen to the wall while they padded and poked and giggled. Girls! Touching! Human contact! It wasn't until the manager made a joke about sexual harassment that i was able to catch my breath and run to the office where they found me crying tears of confusion huddled in the corner. GIRLS!!!

Prior to this i had displayed my Humpback-Whale-on-a beach-in-Oregon-like reflexes. As i joined the conversation i sat, or rather, attempted to sit on the chair next to one of the girls, Ryoko. I'm no physicist, but i soon learned an important lesson about leverage, wheels, centrifugal force and bodies in motion. As 200+ pounds of Norseman settled onto the edge of the seat, the chair shot backwards whilst the Norseman barreled forward towards the widening eyes of a horrified, frail Japanese woman. Fortunately, i was able to punch a nearby desk, change directions and smash into the half-wall. You can take the Viking out of the fjords, but you can't take the compulsion to destroy wantonly from the Viking.

Half an hour after the belly incident, as we were chatting in the lobby my complete lack of grace again showed through. The two girls were off to do whatever and we were saying our gradual good-byes. Being the smooth operator that i am, i folded my arms and leaned up against the front wall, and by wall i mean window and by window i mean glass door which i promptly opened with my potent backside and fell into the street. It's times like these that i wish GEOS would allow drinking on the job, you know, just so i had some sort of excuse...

Speaking of girls, we have a new JET (Japanese English Teacher). Her name is Namea and she is very helpful (though not always in a very helpful way). The other day, i stopped by the 7-11 to get gel after i had ran out. When i arrived at work with chips, kara-age and a drink, i realized i had forgotten to pick up the aforementioned gel. Misa, the manager only had hairspray; i'm not a big 'hairspray guy' especially when it leaves one's hair smelling of fresh strawberries, call me 'straight' but that's just the way i roll. So i asked Namea. She promptly produced a small bottle of that instant hand sanitizer.

M: "Uh, it's for my hair."
N: "Yes, I know."
M: "Not my hands."
N: "But it's gel."
M: "My hair was sanitized this morning in the shower."
N: "Just try it."

M: “Uh, thanks.”
And so i walked back to 7-11.

I was going to write this the other night and as i walking home from work i was composing in my head. 'What to write?" As i neared the entrance to my apartment building, deep in thought, i felt myself slowing. Then i realized it wasn't just mentally. I had hooked a parked bike with my pocket and had dragged it three feet before it fell over. Classic.

I hope that all-y'all are having a great day. Godspeed and God bless what ever adventures you may find yourselves on.