Salutations all,
Again, it's been a while since i've posted and it's been a weird interim. Take this weekend for example. Southern Japan was smacked around by a rather large and freak typhoon. Once it got close to Tokyo it veered back out to sea, so i was only hit by the edge of it. Even so it made for some wet and windy weather.
I visited my friend Scott up in a place call Yorii. It's about 30 minutes by train. During our busy night of watching the 2002 Superbowl (GO Bucs!), playing Resident Evil 4 (Die Zombie!) and watching the animated Robin Hood (A-ha, A-ha) we took some time to weather watch. It was one of the strangest phenomenon that i've ever seen. Remember those old cylinder lawn movers, the kind your folks bought to help you "build character"? (And by build character they meant "save money on gas".) It look like we were under one of those made of clouds. It flew over us, it must have been going a good 30 - 40 mph, while is slowing spun like a drunk tornado.
The crazy thing about typhoons is how nice, albeit windy, it is after they've pasted. But on Monday, as you probably know, Northern Japan was hit by a big earthquake. It hit a place called Niigata, which is about 2 hours away by bullet train. However the shockwaves were felt as far away as Tokyo. The tremors we felt were very, very slight. The first one was at Scott's apartment and, like i said, it was tiny. The second one wasn't that big, however when it hit we were watching a movie. In a theater. In a mall. On the eighth floor. Basically any movement is amplified the taller you are. There's nothing like making fun of previews for Japanese movies with your Scottish buddy when suddenly the building your in starts bucking like a row boat in a gale. Good times.
So enough of the meteorological and geological drama. This goes back to Golden week. During the last couple of days of May and the beginning of April several national holidays fall close to each other. Most companies and school simply close for the week. Then everyone, EVERYONE in Japan goes to another part of Japan. For gaijin like me, it's a good time to not go anywhere. Fortunately, my gaijin friends are not like me and braved insanely packed trains to visit lil ol' Chichibu. Good times were had by all. At the end of the week i noticed that the faucet in my shower was leaking.
As it is, i'm not a huge fan of Japanese housing (think kindling people live in) and not being able to find a main valve didn't do much to change my opinion. I was able to jimmy-rig it to slow it down, but so long as the water was flowing, there was no way i could fix properly.
So the next day at work i asked my manager to give the building manager a call. She said it my be 'difficult' to find his number. Then i remember the bar on the first floor. I had been there once before. The bar's owner, a Filipina spoke English as well as Japanese. I decided to stop in and see if you she had info.
Japan is weird.
As it turns out, this was a 'hostess' bar. Basically a place for businessmen with no social skills to pay to flirt (literally) with women. The 'hostesses' light their cigarettes, fill their drinks and pretend to find them interesting.
Anyways, i strolled in and asked for the building manager's number. She didn't have it, but just wait and he'll be in. Two minutes later a jolly Japanese guy rolls in. I go over and chat with a bit and he tells me he'll take care of it. Apparently did/ said something right, because i became his new best friend. As he left he said something to the bar owner, waved good-bye and was gone. Taking this as my queue to leave, i got up to go. However, i was immediately informed that my lil buddy had paid for my night at the bar. (yippee-skippy :-T ).
I don't really drink nor do i need 'hosting' so thought i would go...until they asked me if i liked karaoke (and started making food). What can i say, murdering songs is my kryptonite. It was interesting. I think i was a bit of quandary for them. I can't imagine many of their customers go for pot stickers over whiskey that often.
So it was just me and three hostesses eating and singing for about an hour and half. Then we hear the door open. One of the girls goes to check it out and suddenly i hear 'Papee'. Quick as lightening the other girls fly to the door and just a fast one zips back.
"Can you change tables?!"
"Naw, i'm going to bed anyways/"
"What? No. you have to stay, just move tables."
So, a little befuddled, i moved to one of the back table and in strolls this 65 years-old Japanese guy. He was a stocky and had a bit of swagger to him. Japanese mafia. Yakuza. He was followed by six or seven lackeys who were eyeballing me like a piranhas would steak.
Gulp.
So he decided it was a good time to practice his English. Using the bar owner as human dictionary, he makes himself comfortable in the chair next to me. He tells me his name which i immediately forget. It started with a 't' so i just start calling him Big Tony.
BT: "What is your job?"
M: "I'm an English teacher."
BT: "Do you like it?"
M: "Yeah, it's alright"
BT: "Do want 'another' job?"
Mind you, i spend most of time terrifying Japanezies just by walking around. I do this all day, every day and never make a dime. Now here i am with the prospect of making money just for being huge and hairy! Much to Big Tony's chagrin, my Judeo-Christian morals and desire not to find out first hand what foreign prisons are like precluded my accepting a most tempting offer.
But fun with Tony was only beginning. Out of nowhere he started feeling my forearms and biceps. I kinda expected to walk out with a blue ribbon for best in show. Then he grabs my arms and starts pulling me towards himself. The hostess quickly explains that this is tug-o-war thing that some gangsters do.
I've got nothing to prove and enough to live for, so rounds one and two go to Tony. At which point, Tony says something to the effect that i look stronger than i am. So i yanked him out of sit.
BT: Sugoi! (Japanese: Wow! Incredible!) You are strong.
M: Well, you...
BT: How did you get so big?
M: (thinking: my ancestors are infamous for eating psychedelic lichens, going nuts and bringing chaos to Western Europe. That is not a race of 'small' people.) Beef.
BT: Hai. Japanese only eat fish. You should eat more beef.
M: Yeah.
BT: You have beautiful blue eyes.
M: aaaaaaaaaaaaahh...
So somehow i went from a minor plumbing problem to having to explain to a Japanese gangster that those kinds of questions might give people the wrong impression and, no, i'm not that kind of English teacher.
Yeah, so that's life in Japan right now. Gangsters, typhoons and earthquakes! Oh my!
Actually, life's going pretty well. I got my new computer and have figured out how my A/C works so, good times. Good times.
Godspeed
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